So–I hated Christmas for years. From October 31 until December 31 I would have the worst attitude and feel so depressed-until last year.
Last year, I decided I was going to change my perspective. I was going to try and look at the holiday season differently, so I put up a Christmas tree. I bought the tree and all of the trimmings. I came home, put on some Christmas music and got to work. I can’t explain how I felt. First, I was proud of myself because my color scheme was gorgeous and glittery (I love glitter). Moreover, I felt joy. My tree made me so happy! I realized that when my perspective changed, my outlook changed. My circumstances were still the same: my family was still disjointed and I was by myself, but my mindset was different. As a result, the energy in my environment felt different. Christmas felt good again.
This year, I upped the ante. I went to look at Christmas lights in a ritzy part of town. I went to Starbucks, copped a Caramel Apple Spice, turned on A Motown Christmas album in my car and strolled through the neighborhood. It was cold outside, which added to the ambience.
I forgot how much I loved the Jackson Five. The lights were so pretty and my soul was happy!
It is true that when you change your mind, you can change your life. I enjoy the holidays again after literally almost 20 years of being a Scrooge.
I totally get feeling trapped in your own pain. However, you can get out. If you are experiencing trauma after trauma, you need two things to get to a happy place:
1. A break. You do need that one thing in your life that you can hold on to and it can give you hope things can get better. It can be anything. For me, it was two things: I got a safe space to be heard so I was able to discard my spirit of years of negativity, and my job. For the first time in my career I had a job I really liked and my financial situation took a turn for a better. Those two things gave me something to cling to.
2. A sheer damn willingness to be happy. This is really the most important thing. No matter what, you have to get to a point that you WANT happiness. When you WANT happiness, you will utilize every opportunity to create happiness in your life. You will not wait some big event to say, “Ok NOW I can be happy”. Fuck that! If you board that “I will be happy when….” boat, you will never get to happy because the goal post will always move with each situation in your life. Make up in your mind that you want to be happy TODAY. Once you make up your mind you want to be happy, you start battling very emotional demon that keeps you from your happiness. As stated before, some days you may loose. But when you choose happiness, you choose to get your ass up and try again. If your mindset is not set on happiness, you will not be able to recognize that break I talked about previously. If you don’t have a mindset that wants happiness at any means necessary, you will miss what breaks may be right in front of you because your mentality will make you blind to your breakthrough.
YOU MUST HAVE A COME HELL OR HIGH OR WATER MENTALITY OR HAPPINESS WILL FOREVER ESCAPE YOU.
This is where therapy is essential. Therapy is truly a space to help you change your mentality by talking through trauma. Therapy could be a professional counselor, or someone that God brings into your life to be create that place of serenity so you can get rid of mound of pain.
PSA: If you think a relationship is going to make you happy, you are SADLY mistaken. Happiness is an inside job.
My new outlook on Christmas is just a manifestation of my new found happiness. Making new memories is me storing that happiness on a mental hard drive.
Life isn’t always perfect but it is definitely dope. The road to where I am now wasn’t easy and I fight to keep it. But it is so worth it.